So here we go again. The start of a new year. January can feel even more isolating when the world seems eager to celebrate new beginnings, and your heart is still anchored in loss. I remember vividly the weight each January carried in the years after our daughter, Abi, died. The holidays were a bittersweet drag, family gatherings with one place achingly empty. Every year, January would roll around, and with it, a sadness that sat heavily in our home.
New Year’s Eve became a time I dreaded; we felt ourselves inching forward into a future that felt painfully pointless and hard to fathom. While so many people around us were celebrating fresh starts and time with family, I used to find myself willing the holidays to end—longing to return to work, to routines that might dull some of the ache.
If this feeling resonates with you, you’re not alone. The new year can be especially difficult for those of us grieving. But, instead of getting despondent, over the years I’ve found a few tools that have helped to slowly reshape January into something I can approach with less dread, and even a hint of purpose.
In my book, Resilient Grieving, I talk about the importance of intentionally seeking out and creating positive emotions and experiences. It’s not about plastering over the cracks with forced optimism; it’s about balancing the weight of hard times with moments that help us to laugh, a shared lunch with a friend, a place that speaks to the soul, something (anything!) to look forward to. Multiple studies (including Judy Moskowitz's work) demonstrate that positive emotions don’t just make us feel better in the moment—they build resilience, helping us better manage life’s inevitable challenges.
Hope is a particularly powerful positive emotion, and vital at this time of year. It allows us to imagine a future that’s worth moving toward, even if the present feels unbearably hard. When you’ve got something concrete to look forward to, the future can feel less daunting. And one of the simplest ways to nurture hope is to plan things you do look forward to: a dinner with friends; a visit from family; a weekend trip getting back into nature; maybe an annual book/music/arts festival; or a trip to somewhere that’s significant. These moments, however small, mapped out carefully, can act as stepping stones paving the way for the year ahead.
This year, instead of setting lofty resolutions that often leave us feeling useless by February, why not try something different: a “things to look forward to” calendar? This simple, one-page tool is designed to help you map out the experiences, people, and places that will bring light and meaning for you.
For the last five years, instead of setting ambitious resolutions, I’ve got much more pleasure and satisfaction from what I like to think of as my ‘fun and good times’ calendar. When I shared this idea last January, it struck a chord with so many people that the post went viral. Readers told me they’d been craving a practical, uplifting way to approach the new year—one that didn’t involve impossible goals but instead focused on small achievable moments.
Each January, I now buy two wall charts: one for work and another one dedicated to the things that matter to me most. In different colours, I hatch some plans for the year, marking the weekend visits from/to our boys, a few back country adventures to make sure I get well and truly off grid, maybe a weekend away with the girls, our two annual go-to festivals, and maybe a winter getaway. Suddenly the year ahead doesn’t look so bleak, stretching out empty and lack-lustre; instead there are things to look forward to, people I care about, places that lift me. Creating this calendar also helps me ‘people the holes’, by which I mean, noticing any empty months and plan for those too.
This isn’t about ignoring grief—it’s about scheduling and creating small moments throughout the year that lift your spirit and nourish you. The chart became a subtle promise that there will be moments to look forward to, even if only small ones. Put it somewhere visible to remind you that all is not lost.
Reflect on 2024 Before Planning 2025
Another trick I’ve adopted to help me get more out of each precious year, is to take a few moments to reflect back on the best bits of the previous year. Ask yourself:
Then, start planning for 2025. Think about:
For me, the use of different colours isn’t just for aesthetics—they help me ensure balance. Green for nature reminds me to stay grounded, while blue for family anchors me in connection. Even black for tough anniversaries reminds me that planning around grief is part of healing. This isn’t about cramming your schedule full. It’s about being intentional with your time, ensuring you create space for moments that will lift you up and bring you closer to the life you want to live.
We can’t escape the pain of loss, but we can choose to fill our year with intentional, nurturing moments. For me, this calendar is more than just a planning tool. It’s a way of helping myself find #BDA—Better Days Ahead. It’s a tangible reminder that even in the hardest times, there’s hope to be found in the moments we intentionally create. That’s why you’ll find #BDA right there on the calendar itself, as a reminder that resilience comes from weaving joy and connection into our lives.
Download your free “things to look forward to” calendar now and start creating a roadmap for 2025 that balances hope, connection, and self-care. Small steps today can bring better days tomorrow.
You will learn practical tools and techniques to ensure you are as empowered and prepared as possible to get your life back on track, and work towards a greater sense of control and calm.
