Grief can make anyone feel vulnerable and disconnected from the very strengths they need to overcome challenges. As coaches, therapists, and mental health practitioners, we are in a unique position to guide grieving clients toward reconnecting with their inner resources. By focusing on strengths, we help them feel more confident, capable, and hopeful about navigating loss and life’s uncertainties.
In this month’s blog, Dr Denise Quinlan shares three practical ways you can support clients to use their strengths to not only survive grief but begin to thrive again. A renowned expert in this field, Denise says, ‘I’ve seen, time and again, the transformative power of recognising and using strengths to help clients refocus and rebuild their lives’. You’ll also discover how recognising your own strengths can benefit you, the practitioner, in this rewarding and emotionally demanding work.
After our last live Grief and Growth course dedicated to helping grieving people imagine and embrace a new future, I found myself mulling over participants’ comments that revealed the deep impact of knowing their strengths. I wanted to share with you how transformative it was for this group to connect with their strengths. One comment stayed with me: “I’ve been helping others with these strengths for years—now I can see how to use them to help myself.”
Last week, a coach from our Introduction to the Science and Practice of Resilient Grieving (ISPORG) course asked me, “If a client doesn’t know their strengths, should I use the VIA Strengths Inventory with them?” My answer was an emphatic yes! Helping clients name their strengths gives them a framework to understand themselves, and in grief, this knowledge can be a lifeline.
Having spent more than two decades researching and teaching about strengths, my response was built on evidence and practice. I’ve taught strengths to people from 10-12 year-old students and their schoolteachers, through to engineers, scientists and senior leaders from Fortune 500 companies from around the world. In every case, I’ve seen self-efficacy and confidence grow as a person realises that they have ‘a team’ of strengths inside them that they can draw on, in good times and bad.
At the heart of working with strengths is recognising what’s good and right within the person – whatever strengths language you use doesn’t really matter. Find a definition that will work for you and your clients. I describe strengths most simply as things you do well and enjoy doing. When you know and use your strengths, you are 18 times more likely to enjoy work, love, and play and to flourish. In challenging times, using your strengths is a strategy shown to help people cope better with significant life challenges.
Grieving clients often feel powerless, but recognising their strengths helps them reconnect with their inner resources.
Here’s how I approach this with clients:
One grieving client, after completing our strengths-based program, realised that they had known and used their strengths for many years to help others, and now for the first time, needed to turn those strengths inward to help them cope with their grief. Having seen how powerful their strengths were helping others, this grieving person realised they had a powerful internal resource to help them cope.
One of the biggest challenges grieving clients face is managing relationships. People mean well, but they often don’t know how to help—or, worse, they give advice that feels unhelpful. This can strain connections at a time when support is most needed.
Teaching clients to recognise strengths in others is one of the most practical tools I’ve seen for resolving conflict and seeking the right kind of support. Known as “strengths spotting” this practice can be a game-changer for many people.
When clients can recognise what’s good in others—even in difficult moments—it builds small but useable bridges. Think of it like the three-wire bridges used by hikers in New Zealand: thin strands that provide enough stability to cross turbulent rivers.
Here’s how this works in practice:
As grief expert Ken Doka wisely says: “Ask the doers to do, and the listeners to listen.” Helping clients see strengths in others allows them to create a team of supporters, each contributing what they’re best at. It also reduces misunderstandings and can help grieving individuals feel less isolated.
Grief doesn’t just disrupt the present—it casts a shadow over the future. Many clients tell me, “I can’t even imagine what comes next.” Once the grieving have successfully navigated the immediate aftermath and coping with loss, they are faced with the big daunting question of ‘what will my future hold?’ and ‘how do I even imagine or plan a future?’
Strengths offer a way in to consider the future. They can help your clients bridge the gap between the present and the future, and to think about how they might want to change and develop.
Encourage your clients to explore these questions:
The key takeaway? Strengths are not fixed traits—they’re malleable and can grow with practice. And here’s a vital strengths tip: When you want to make change, use your strengths as a doorway or ‘portal’ to reach the strength you want to develop. This strategy can help not only for your clients but all of who want to keep growing and learning.
One client struggling with self-compassion tried using her strength of forgiveness when she fell short of her expectations. She said, “that was so easy and invigorating. I feel like I’ve found a way into self-compassion which has eluded me for years. This has been life-changing”
Another client who wanted to be more consistent with administrative tasks at work found motivation by using their strengths of kindness and teamwork. They reframed those tasks as ways to support their colleagues, which made the work feel purposeful.
Knowing what’s best about yourself is empowering at any stage of life, but it’s especially important during times of grief. Helping your clients recognise and use their strengths builds confidence, fosters hope, and provides a foundation for navigating difficult relationships and life transitions.
And remember, this isn’t just for your clients. Recognising and using your own strengths as a practitioner helps you stay resilient and connected to the deeply meaningful work you do.
If you’re ready to deepen your skills and better support grieving clients, I invite you to join our Introduction to the Science and Practice of Resilient Grieving (ISPORG). This self-paced, CPD-accredited course offers:
Explore the course here. Together, we can help more clients build resilience and find hope.
You will learn practical tools and techniques to ensure you are as empowered and prepared as possible to get your life back on track, and work towards a greater sense of control and calm.
